WEEK SIXTEEN VS. BUFFALO BILLS W 24-17

TWAS THE WEEKEND 'FORE CHRISTMAS
THE BILLS CAME TO TOWN

IN AN EFFORT TO CLAIM

THE DIVISIONAL CROWN

“THIS DECEMBER IS DIFFERENT!”

THE MAFIA MOANED

BUT WE WON JUST THE SAME

AND OUR PATS WEREN’T DETHRONED

SURE, THE SEASON FELT BLEAK

ON THIS SATURDAY DARK

BUT THEN BRADY AND BUNCH 

FINALLY GAVE OFF A SPARK

IN FACT TOMMY CAUGHT FIRE

EACH PASS LIKE A ROCKET

HE MADE QUARTERBACK SNEAKS

AND BLOCKED OUTSIDE THE POCKET

OF HIS THIRTY THREE THROWS

HE PULLED OFF TWENTY SIX

AS OUR CATCHERS MADE CATCHES

(AND KICKER MADE KICKS!)

THERE WAS EVEN A TOUCHDOWN

AND NO INTERCEPTION

IN THIS TOO LONG-AWAITED

OFFENSIVE SURREPTION

STILL THE BILLS JUST KEPT COMING

THEIR QB CAN MOVE!

BUT THE BOOGEYMEN BOOGIED

AND MESSED UP HIS GROOVE

IT CAME DOWN TO THE END

THEN OUR D TOOK COMMAND

AND THEY HELD OFF THE BILLS

WITH A BIG GOAL LINE STAND

AS FOR WHO GETS THE TOMMY

SO MANY CONTENDERS!

LAWRENCE GUY OR NICK FOLK

OR OUR BACKS OR DEFENDERS

BUT THE TOT-DUB

AND THE MAN OF THE HOUR

FOR HIS SACKS AND PASS D

GOES TO DONT’A HIGHTOWER!

NOW THERE’S JUST ONE GAME LEFT

IN THIS TERRIBLE YEAR

BUT A HAPPY NEW DECADE

BRINGS REASON TO CHEER

YEA, OUR PATS SEEM TO RALLY

WHEN PLAYOFFS BEGIN
MUCH TO OUR GREAT DELIGHT

AND THE LEAGUE’S GREAT CHAGRIN

SO BE JOYFUL! BE MERRY!

BE HOPEFUL! BELIEVE!

THAT THIS PATRIOTS TEAM

STILL HAS TRICKS UP ITS SLEEVE

THINK YOUR PATRIOTS THOUGHTS

THAT WE SAIL PAST THE ‘PHINS

AND WE WRAP UP THE BYE

WRAPPING UP THIRTEEN WINS

AND WHILE VISIONS OF SUPER BOWLS

STILL ARE UNCLEAR

MAY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

BRING PEACE, LOVE, AND CHEER

THERE’S JUST ONE THING TO SAY

AS I SIGN OFF AND THAT’S

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

AND TO ALL – LET’S GO PATS!

WEEK FIFTEEN @ CINCINNATI BENGALS W 34-13

well kids-

our patriots beat the bengals, but i still kind of wish this season was over. we've had some seemingly hopeless seasons before, but this one feels seemingly hopelesser than normal.

our fearless quarterback went 15 of 29 for 128 yards and two touchdowns, which wasn't that many yards but actually didn't really feel that hopeless. in fact, tommy was actually smiling at certain points during this game - and because of things the offense did!  i was starting to forget how that looks.

our defense actually gave everyone (except andy dalton) plenty of reasons to smile with their whopping four interceptions. two of those were by stephon gilmore, including a pick six that should have been his second in two weeks. i know we played the lowly bengals, but it was still a great effort - and one that earns this week's tommy. i might be feeling this season is hopeless, but gilmore clearly (and thankfully) does not.

we play the bills on saturday, which is stupid - but does give me all day sunday to craft your christmas edition of the totw. i'm definitely not feeling the spirit, so think your happy patriots thoughts that our boys get into rhythm...or you might not get a very festive rhyme!

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

WEEK THIRTEEN @ HOUSTON HOUSTONS L 28-22

well kids,

in case you thought the first time was a fluke, our patriots have now provided enough evidence for me to conclude without reservation that losing sucks.

that said, there are two good newses that happened sunday night. the first is that our deadeadead offense showed signs of resurrection. in fact, our fearless quarterback threw for 326 yards and 3 touchdowns - which he has not come even close to doing since week five. i'm still not thrilled with the measly 51% completion rating (24/47), and the stupid interception is the score that technically lost this game, but it weirdly feels like something moved in the right direction. then again, i watched the second half with my eyes closed. don't look next time, tommy!

i'm not kidding about watching the second half with my eyes closed, which makes it hard for me to figure out who should get the totw. honestly, we seem to have won this game on paper, which is the second good news; we consistently had considerably more first downs, offensive yardage, and time of possession than the houstons. of course, it definitely didn't feel like that watching it, and since i partly didn't watch it, the tommy goes to james white based on stats. if rushing 79 yards and receiving 98 doesn't win a game, it should at least win a tommy. 

we're playing kansas city on sunday, and i can't muster even a tiny little bit of hope that we might win. think your  happy patriots thoughts that i'm wrong - 'cause as much as i hate being wrong, i hate losing even more. who knew? 

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

WEEK TWELVE VS. DALLAS COWBOYS W 13-9

well kids, 

the patriots beat the cowboys, and that means stuffing shall be eaten happily on thursday! lush is very relieved.

i read a couple of articles that said isaiah wynn got beaten several times on sunday, but he must've not got beaten several times, too, because that was the best i've seen tommy look in a little while. he wound up 17 of 37 for 190 yards and touchdown - which is actually worse than normal, but factoring in that our two best receivers didn't play, it wasn't too shabby. maybe i'm just relieved to have seen him upright, dancing around back there while he tried to decide which of his limited selection of targets he was going to grace with the ball. (spoiler alert: it was mostly jules.) 

after the thumping baltimore gave us, it was nice to see our #1 defense shut down the cowboys' #1 offense and not allow a single touchdown, though it was dicey there a few times. our season would be belly up if not for our defense - and our special teams, which also had another great day. matthew slater's blocked punt was the third blocked punt of the season, all three of which have resulted in touchdowns (two returned, this one by setting up short field position). it was the difference-maker in this game, and for that (and so so so so so many other reasons), matthew slater gets this week's tommy. way to lead the victory march, cap'n!

our back-to-back texas match ups continue next week when our boys travel to play the houstons on sunday night - and given the circumstances, i'm really hoping we look a little less like turkeys than we did on our last snf game. believe it or not, that game falls on the first day of december, so think your happy patriots thoughts our boys live up to their december football reputation - and that cris collinsworth chokes on his factual inaccuracies...or a turkey bone. either way.

happy thanksgiving, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK ELEVEN @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES W 17-10

hey kids-

well, the patriots beat the eagles, and it was way better than not beating the ravens. i'm as frustrated as tommy with this game, but i'm not going to whine about winning. let's do this.

our fearless quarterback threw the ball 47 times, which is about 20 too many - especially considering he only connected on 26 of those for 216 yards and no touchdowns. tommy's not the only one pouting (but not complaining!) about this win.

our defense and special team both had solid performances after some in-game adjustments and really did their part to keep us in it and hang on right to the end. after such a dismally unproductive game, it might seem ridiculous to give an offensive player the totw - but if you think jules is throwing a touchdown pass and *not* getting the tommy for it, you just don't know me at all. this is my second favoritest patriots play ever - bested only by the first time he did it, lobbing the ball all the way down the field into the waiting arms of danny amendola RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE while i leapt and shrieked and squealed in my seat during my first and only visit to gillette. that was the year we lost to kansas city in week four and everyone declared our dynasty over. we all know how that worked out, so keep the faith, friends - and keep on giving me reasons to give you tommies, jules!

we've got a home game against dallas on sunday, and i think they're going to give us just as much of a run for our money as the eagles did. think your happy patriots thoughts that the boys give us something for which to be grateful when we go around the table at thanksgiving dinner (which in my house is a day-long stuffingfest that i share with my dog). we're definitely eating stuffing either way, but we'll be a lot happier about it if we're not complaining about another patriots win!

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK NINE @ BALTIMORE RAVENS L 37-20

well kids, 

just like our patriots, i took the bye week to regroup, but it's time to get back to it. in case you didn't hear, we lost to the ravens, and boy, did we ever have it coming.

our fearless quarterback is definitely feeling the midseason blues - or at least the "we-really-miss-you-david-andrews" blues. tommy went 30 of 46 for 285 yards and a touchdown, along with an interception. it sounds a lot better than it looked.

call it sour grapes if you want, but i really don't have a lot to say about the loss to baltimore. it was well-deserved. i've worried for weeks that our offense wasn't clicking the way it needed to be – and that's still true – and though it was a little surprising to see the issues with our defense, if you have a long way to go, midseason is exactly the time you want to discover that. with no real totw standout from the game, the award defaults to tommy. if there's one thing everyone should know by now, it's that nothing brings out his leadership, competitiveness, and general roguish charm more than losing – and that means there's no real reason to worry (yet). up and at 'em, tommy! 

we've got the eagles on sunday, and there's a whole big fuss about it being a super bowl rematch. i'm not sure why – it's not a rematch of the last super bowl, nor it is the first "super bowl rematch" of our season. then again, there's also a whole big fuss that we're now 8-1, even though we started the last four seasons 7-2 and went to the super bowl every time. the moral of the story is that the nfl likes to have a whole big fuss no matter what happens, so think your happy patriots thoughts that our boys give 'em something to talk about and isaiah wynn returns to live up to his name.

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav

WEEK EIGHT VS. CLEVELAND BROWNS W 27-13

well kids, 

our patriots are 8 and 0. no, our schedule hasn't been super challenging; no, our offense isn't clicking the way it'll eventually need to click; and no, we're probably not going to be undefeated; but winning is way better than losing, and we've managed to do that eight times in a row. so, no, we are not complaining.

this season feels like a microcosm of our fearless quarterback's career. every game, he seems to have a new set of receivers, and he somehow has to go out there and make it all work, even if it's not pretty. he did it again this week, completing 20 of 36 passes for 259 yards and two touchdowns. thankfully, the turmoil looks to be settling down, with both watson and sanu coming up to speed quickly, jules and dorsett healthy-ish enough to perform, and the rookies having a chance to be rookies instead of the only guys on the field. hang in there, tommy! it's all gonna come together soon.

i'm tempted to give this week's totw to lawrence guy for bursting through the line and walking into baker's mayfield's pass like he planned it that way. not only did it keep our defense's interception streak alive, but it may have been the most hilarious pick i've ever seen. hightower had a great fumble recovery that he returned for six as well, but the tommy's going to jules. i can't remember the last time he had two touchdowns in one game, and i feel like our offense needs some positive reinforcement to get this train back on track. lead the way, jules! we're definitely on board for more of that.

funny story: whenever i type "i don't want to" on my phone's keyboard, the predictive text suggests "play baltimore" as the first option. we're doing exactly that on sunday night, facing our biggest test thus far just before we head into the bye. my phone's also predicting we'll win by 4, so think your happy patriots thoughts that it's right. having to listen to cris collinsworth for three hours and losing to baltimore is more than anyone should be expected to bear.

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK SEVEN @ NEW YORK JETS W 33-0

hey kids-

i'm back from vacation and this is super late, so let's dive in. speaking of dive, the jets took a nose dive against our patriots, and i was right there to see it! honorary mention for this week's tommy goes to janice for arranging my awesome seats for the this game.

our fearless quarterback looks every bit as fearless in person as he does on tv and had a decent game, going 31/45 for 249 yards and a touchdown. there was also an interception - which i liked just as little in person as i do in the bar. it's nice when things are consistent...like having the same quarterback for 19 years. don't worry, tommy. you look just the way i remember!

this game was all about our defense, but unless i collectively give them the tommy , it's hard to single out one guy for the award. also, sony michel had three rushing touchdowns, and that's as many as he'd previously had all season, so he's getting this week's totw. here he is, rushing for one of those touchdowns...i think. to be honest, this could be james white, but i'm okay pretending it's sony if you are.

we're hosting the browns on sunday afternoon, and i can't think of anything more horrible than losing to a team named after a color (except losing to baltimore or the giants or pittsburgh... or maybe kansas city). anyway, think your happy patriots thoughts we beat the browns so i don't get the blues.  

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK SIX VS. NEW YORK GIANTS W 35-14

well kids, 

last night felt like the same game we've played for the last three weeks - where things actually don't go very well at all, but somehow the score makes it look like we won handily. i mean, i'll take it, but our schedule's about to get crazy hard, and i wish things were clicking a little better than they actually are.

it's really only our broken-and-battered offense that isn't clicking, though our fearless quarterback's 334 yards and 31 completions (of 41) don't appear all that unclicky on paper. the zero touchdowns are a little more telling - though tommy did make up for it with two rushing touchdowns. i appreciate that he's not going to let a crappy passing game and no non-rookie or uninjured receivers stop him from scoring, but i appreciate it a lot more when he doesn't stand around for 700 mississippis allowing strip sacks and throws it to people who are actually on our team.

our defense and special teams continue to click enough to cover our injury-riddled offense, scoring two more touchdowns and forcing four more turnovers in this game. honorable mention goes to brandon bolden for pushing that giant's helmet right into the path of a just-kicked punt and to chase winovich for his laser focus catching it and running it into the endzone, but this totw goes to stephen gilmore. remember when i used to hate him because he was absolutely nowhere near the ball or the receiver who'd catch it and run all the way down the field? yeah, me neither.

our pats are on to new york next week - and so am i! our fearless quarterback and crew will be at meadowlands taking on the jets on monday night football, and (as far as i know,) i'll be sitting in a box wearing no patriots gear and surreptitiously cheering them on - which should be a hilarious notion to anyone who's ever seen me watch a pats game. think your happy patriots thoughts that the pats win and i succeed so that janice doesn't get in trouble after so graciously arranging the tickets, and i'll tell ya all about it next time.

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK FIVE @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS W 33-7

hey kids-

our patriots got another "w" under their belts, though it didn't seem as easy to me as today's headlines indicate. they use a lot of words like "cruise" and "sail," and i guess that could be accurate...if they're talking about those big carnival boats that leave everyone feeling a little nauseated.

our fearless quarterback moved into the number three position for the most yards ever thrown by anyone ever who ever played football ever - or something like that. more importantly, he went 28/42 for 342 yards and three touchdowns and another win. i guess the moral of the story is that all those yards add up, but anyone who watched the sunday night game (or drew brees ever) would agree that yards come up short when compared against rings. looks like tommy's thinkin' four more to go.

our defense gave up the first big play and first real touchdown of the season all in one fell swoop, but otherwise they remained on lockdown - and another mccourty grabbed another interception to keep the streak alive. i'm definitely not taking the d for granted, but this week's tommy is going to jules. even though poor jules is definitely still broken, that didn't stop him from catching eight passes (including a touchdown) for 110 yards. all those yards do have to get caught by somebody, but this kinda seems like showing off.

we play the giants on thursday night, and according to my favorite giants fan, i should not lose any sleep over a rookie qb against belichick. think your happy patriots thoughts that he's right, 'cause he'll be super sad if i refuse to see him when i'm in new york!

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK FOUR @ BUFFALO BILLS W 16-10

well kids, 

it wasn't pretty, but we made it through our third consecutive divisional game with another win, so i'm not complaining. we can't beat everyone by 20 points...though it's a lot nicer when we do!

our offense just couldn't get into a groove on sunday, in part because of buffalo's amazing defense and in part because of our broken receiving corp and possibly broken but nevertheless fearless quarterback. tommy's calf may have been aggravating him as much as the bills' secondary, and he went just 18 of 39 for a measly 150 yards and no touchdowns and one totally-had-it-coming interception. tommy wasn't any happier about it than i was, but at least it's over.

you shouldn't be surprised that both dev and jamie collins each got another interception in this game - and jc jackson got two! he also blocked a punt that our special teams returned for a touchdown - making up for the one they cost us last week. it's nice when the outcome of the game doesn't rest entirely on tommy's aging shoulders, and this team seems particularly inclined to carry their fair share and then some. after the game, devin mccourty pondered which award jackson should get and said, "they've got to make up some kind of award. i don't know if it's defensive player of the week or special teams. they need to do some type of combo." it's called the totw, dev, and jackson's definitely getting it! congrats to jc for being our third best receiver of the game.

we're on the road again on sunday against the redskins, who currently have zero wins. we currently have zero losses, so start thinking your happy patriots thoughts that everyone maintains the status quo so we can all go home happy. 

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK THREE VS. NEW YORK JETS W 30-14

well kids,

our pats zoomed past the jets - albeit with slightly more drama than was necessary. in their defense, it had been kind of a dramatic week, so it's not surprising some of it showed up on the field. now that that's out of the way, lets hope our rookies are ready to put their heads down and the boys are all ready to get back to focusing on football.

our fearless quarterback is starting the season like gangbusters and racked up another 306 yards and two touchdown passes on sunday. he also went 28 of 42, which seems like too many passes. i suspect tommy was just trying to make everybody feel included - like this guy, who's name i don't even know yet. oh hey - that's jakobi meyers! oops. apparently the rookies aren't the only ones still coming up to speed. thank god tommy hit the ground running (but not literally, tommy! not literally!).

if there was ever a sunday for our rookies to have a rough day at the office, this was it. all 14 of the jets' points came off rookie mistakes, but it was nice to have the luxury of a 23 point lead that made those errors essentially meaningless in the grand scheme of everything except stats. our offense had a few hiccups with injuries to jules and josh (gordon laaaaaa), both thankfully appearing to be not-super-serious, but our defense continued to dominate. in fact, they've scored twice as many points as they've allowed this season, and for the first time in a long while, a patriot leads the league in interceptions (and another made the top five). that patriot is devin mccourty, who pulled down #3 versus the jets, pulling down the totw right along with it. jamie collins is right on your heels, dev! better get another one next sunday just to be safe.

speaking of next sunday, we play the bills, who (like us) are undefeated this season. i hate being second in the division almost as much as i hate losing, so think your happy patriots thoughts that our receivers heal up, our rookies shape up, and our defensive jacks up the second ny offense in a week.

have a great week, and go pats!

love dav

WEEK TWO @ MIAMI DOLPHINS W 43-0

WEEK TWO @ MIAMI DOLPHINS W 43-0

hey kids-

like our patriots, i'm on the road for work this week, so let's keep this one short and sweet (ala the thumping our boys gave the dolphins on sunday).

you'd think it'd be harder to play in miami in september than in december, but those 100 degree temps were no match for our fearless qb's hot hands. tommy went 20 of 28 for 264 and two touchdowns plus a qb sneak rushing touchdown, which may not look great on paper but works a) on the road and b) in miami. speaking of ab, he's already picking up the playbook, pulling down passes, and teaching tommy the secret handshake.  baby steps, tommy. you'll get it eventually.

we had it covered from ab to d on sunday - with our defense coming on as oppressively as the florida heat. now that they've mastered keeping the opposing offense from scoring, they've decided to lend a hand to our offense. they picked up two pick sixes in a matter of roughly two minutes - and stephen gilmore almost had this totw in his grasp until jamie collins came down with his second interception to seal the shutout. way to pick up where you left off, jamie!

we're back in foxborough sunday with another divisional game in this topsy-turvy 100 anniversary schedule. think your happy patriots thoughts that the jets go down as easily as the dolphins - and i'll catch you next time.

have a great week, and go pats! 

love dav

WEEK ONE VS. PITTSBURGH STEELERS W 33-3

hey kids-

football is back and that means so am i, with your (semi)regularly scheduled tommy of the week. i'd say our patriots are back, too, but honestly, it kinda looked like they didn't go anywhere. they may have made a few dropoffs and pickups after the super bowl, but that bus appears to have kept right on rolling, putting our boys in mid-season form on opening night. however, after 20 seasons of watching this team play, i can tell you this has happened before, so i'm trying not to get to excited - or cocky - about it, even if there are few things better than beating the steelers on sunday night football.

our fearless quarterback had plenty of reasons to be both excited and cocky last night - not the least of which is that his bad haircut finally grew out and he no longer looks like a skeleton. also, he went 24 of 36 for 341 yards and had three touchdowns - including two looooooong and glorious passes that were definitely intended to send a message - in case you're looking for something more substantial than his haircut. either way, tommy looked sharp, and the only cliff in sight is that one off which he yanked his daughter in costa rica. (everyone's knocking wood here, right?)

the rest of the team looked equally impressive, with our defense seeming to have settled on three as the exact number of points they're going to allow since it worked so successfully for them in the super bowl. just in case that plan doesn't work out, our offense looks pretty intent on giving them some wiggle room - with jules running around being jules (and, on one play, tommy), dorsett acting like a deep threat, and josh gordon laaaaaaaaaaaaaa. it was an all around great performance from everyone, and after 12 years of totws, you should know what that means! the tommy of the week's going to tom brady. our fearless quarterback doesn't seem to have lost a step - much less any of the leadership, competitiveness, and general roguish charm that inspired this award to be created so long ago. here's to another great season, tommy! work that magic just a little longer....

we play the miami dolphins *not* in foxborough next week - because apparently along with ousting the superbowl champs from opening the nfl season, this 100 years of nfl celebration includes frozen fish on the menu in december. think your happy patriots thought we avoid the double curse of playing in miami and playing against a former coordinator, and i'll catch you back here after our boys catch the dolphins.

have a great week and go pats!

love dav

WEEK NINETEEN VS. LOSANDIEGO CHARGERS W 41-28

well kids-

it turns out tom brady isn't quite dead yet after all. annoyingly, our patriots looked good enough on sunday to reignite my hope and extinguish the chargers all in a matter of three and a half hours. now we have to wait all the way til sunday to see what happens next. hope is the worst.

depending upon whom you believe, tommy was either dealing with an mcl sprain (say the sportsreporters) or playing possum with the nfl so he could unleash his fury on the unsuspecting afc west at exactly the right moment (says me). that fury was released to the thundering tune of 34 of 44 completed passes, 343 yards, and one touchdown. here he is, breathing fire and trying to decide whom to slay next. somebody point that boy toward the chiefs! 

it's super happy news when your biggest problem after a playoff game is picking which player most deserves the totw. our defensive stop-the-pass guys chased after philip rivers in a way a guy with eight kids probably hasn't been pursued in quite a while, while our defensive stop-the-run/catch/points must have misheard "charge" for "charger" and put the endzone on lockdown. on the other side of the ball, sony michel proved he's really mastered this whole "do your job" concept, racking up 129 yards and three touchdowns, while jules made up for missing last years' playoffs with 151 yards all in one game. since this one was a team effort (and quite possibly the best all year), the totw goes to tommy. i'm tired of writing this, so that's all i have to say about it.

we play kansas city on sunday, and between the weather and the chiefs' offense, we're going to need a lot more fire-breathing on all fronts if we want to play football in february. since february is obvious the best time to play football, cross your fingers that our patriots are ready to take this tommy resurrection tour on the road.

have a great week, and go pats.

love dav